There's no use living in this fucked up world anymore.

I wish I was where I needed to be right now. First off, I'm tired of being scared to speak my mind on this place. There was a time where I could just let it out and not have to wonder if I was giving the wrong impression to the people who currently sit on my site as "friends". Given, most of them are friends, but most of them have not a clue about what's going on with me. I hate that feeling.  So I say fuck it. So why do I care now who reads this? I only care about the people who care about me, so all you others, move on, thanks. I'm currently tired of people who say they are your friend, but act completely one-sided. Yeah, as a matter of fact.. I do care how you're doing, I do love your stories, I do hope that you're doing good, but for God's sake, do you honestly just like hearing yourself speak? Imagine having an hour long conversation with someone and you haven't said a word, it's freakin' eery. You get off the phone and you think.. "how in the hell does that happen?" Well, I say screw that noise. I'm here sick, and pissy and depressed. Yeah, I'm in a funk. A true friend would actually have the common courtesy to say "hey, I'm sorry you're sick..what's going on?..need to talk about anything?" Ughhh. I'm just tired of myself allowing it to ALWAYS be about you. And for those who know me, you're probably wondering to yourself how I've even let this happen...trust me, I have no clue. But I'm sick and tired of not having a voice. Speaking of not having a voice. Let me get onto the subject of dating. What in the hell are you guys thinking.. seriously? Will there please, for the love of God.. be one man that is actually interested in something other than what's going on with them? I'm back to the same statement as before.. why does it always have to be about you? So I'm tired.. yeah, tired of disappointment. I'm officially cutting off dating indefinitely. I just can't do it anymore.  I'm tired of this "yeah, i'm looking for a long-term relationship" blah blah blah bullshit. Do you guys honestly think that us girls are looking for a man just do have sex with?? Seriously, it's not hard to find one of those guys. Why do you think we put such an effort to into actually finding someone? Because we need to get some?? I mean COME ON NOW. Where has the love gone? I mean the actual process of falling in love...can someone please tell me where it has gone? Because there has yet to be man that I have met that hasn't been interested in getting into my pants after a night of knowing them. I just want something more. I crave something more. But on my end.. would you continue to sit there as someone bangs you upside the head with a hammer.. or are you going to move on?? Exactly. I'm done. I'm DONE.

Let's just cry instantly.

So yesterday I found out something that has totally turned my world around. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I can't put it on here but can only express the emotions that I'm going through at this moment. This seriously will hurt one of the people that I love the most in life and I can't do anything about it. I can only decide to make the decision whether or not I even want to expose it. Have you ever been in that place where whatever you decide could possibly alter another person's world forever? That's where I'm at. If you feel the earth shake for a second, then it's because of me. I just don't get it. I'm hurt.. by one of the people that I loved as well. Everything is going to be crazy, and my heart will break as well but I have to do what's right. Pray for me.

Each coming days

So I haven't blogged in awhile. Yeah, I know. A lot of things have been going on here and well, I just haven't found time to blog them down. Well right now, Just felt like saying that "Ha ha ha" I was just thinking, Is my life really that boring that I can't even blog regularly? I keep thinking of things to blog about. Hm, I can't get those sweet words of him outta my mind. I really really miss him. What about my friends? I just wanted to say how much I love them. Sometimes it takes something to make you realize how much you appreciate them. One of my very best friends needed some support for a few weeks later, and it really opened my eyes to see how much we really are there for one another. Oh wait, me? I also haven't trained myself specifically for the events. What the heck am I doing right now? Haha.

It is evidence.. life is a troublesome.

Am I really allowing my past to change the person that I use to be? What happened to that person that used to jump in head first always? I've always seen the good in everything. I've always been on the optimistic side of life. Has that changed? Here lately, I've actually found myself jaded. I feel like I'm losing that person that everyone loves.. over what? Over stupid stupid stuff. Over a damn wall that used to never be up. Honestly, what am I so afraid of? Everything that was bad happened, and now it's over. I'm just glad that I have such faith in God to believe that I'm exactly where I need to be right now.

Yours sincerely,

Dina Natasha

She don't seems to care about her own bff.

It seems like everytime I talk to Lia she is going through something regarding her new relationship. I sat next to her listening to her newest trouble. Blah. So, I have decided that this is the year of change for me. Because I am severely bothered by several things right now. But this is what happened. Shits comes crashing through my days. I just know you all have missed me oh so much... but I'm still here. Not really blogging, I don't read everyones blog. I've been a lazy commenter too,  so I'm sorry.  I know I have been a major slacker around here. I would update you on all things if I could remember where I even left off and what has happened since then. So I will post things as I remember them, okay? So.. Lets see, I'm sick. I have this weird never ending lingering flu thing. And it's irritating me like hell. Kay bye.