It's just hard to know that you feel something for somebody that might not feel it back for you. Is this what a crush truly is? Do you ever think it would be better if we all could just have arranged marriages and skip all of this mumbo jumbo? But then I hear that these feelings are the best when you meet someone.. that they remind you that you're still alive. They have truly reminded me that I'm alive but man...talk about a spin cycle of hope, pain, sadness, and happiness going on in my stomach. But it's all good. I'm finding that it's been a lot easier to just go with the flow.. and not allow myself to get my hopes up. In fact, I'm pretty guarded and am almost prepared for anything. I know that doesn't sound good, but those who know me understand what I've been through. I would have to be an idiot not to be somewhat guarded. Anyways, just had to get all of this off my chest. I hope everyone is doing well.
Have a great Night, x
There's no use living in this fucked up world anymore.
I wish I was where I needed to be right now. First off, I'm tired of being scared to speak my mind on this place. There was a time where I could just let it out and not have to wonder if I was giving the wrong impression to the people who currently sit on my site as "friends". Given, most of them are friends, but most of them have not a clue about what's going on with me. I hate that feeling. So I say fuck it. So why do I care now who reads this? I only care about the people who care about me, so all you others, move on, thanks. I'm currently tired of people who say they are your friend, but act completely one-sided. Yeah, as a matter of fact.. I do care how you're doing, I do love your stories, I do hope that you're doing good, but for God's sake, do you honestly just like hearing yourself speak? Imagine having an hour long conversation with someone and you haven't said a word, it's freakin' eery. You get off the phone and you think.. "how in the hell does that happen?" Well, I say screw that noise. I'm here sick, and pissy and depressed. Yeah, I'm in a funk. A true friend would actually have the common courtesy to say "hey, I'm sorry you're sick..what's going on?..need to talk about anything?" Ughhh. I'm just tired of myself allowing it to ALWAYS be about you. And for those who know me, you're probably wondering to yourself how I've even let this happen...trust me, I have no clue. But I'm sick and tired of not having a voice. Speaking of not having a voice. Let me get onto the subject of dating. What in the hell are you guys thinking.. seriously? Will there please, for the love of God.. be one man that is actually interested in something other than what's going on with them? I'm back to the same statement as before.. why does it always have to be about you? So I'm tired.. yeah, tired of disappointment. I'm officially cutting off dating indefinitely. I just can't do it anymore. I'm tired of this "yeah, i'm looking for a long-term relationship" blah blah blah bullshit. Do you guys honestly think that us girls are looking for a man just do have sex with?? Seriously, it's not hard to find one of those guys. Why do you think we put such an effort to into actually finding someone? Because we need to get some?? I mean COME ON NOW. Where has the love gone? I mean the actual process of falling in love...can someone please tell me where it has gone? Because there has yet to be man that I have met that hasn't been interested in getting into my pants after a night of knowing them. I just want something more. I crave something more. But on my end.. would you continue to sit there as someone bangs you upside the head with a hammer.. or are you going to move on?? Exactly. I'm done. I'm DONE.
Let's just cry instantly.
So yesterday I found out something that has totally turned my world around. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I can't put it on here but can only express the emotions that I'm going through at this moment. This seriously will hurt one of the people that I love the most in life and I can't do anything about it. I can only decide to make the decision whether or not I even want to expose it. Have you ever been in that place where whatever you decide could possibly alter another person's world forever? That's where I'm at. If you feel the earth shake for a second, then it's because of me. I just don't get it. I'm hurt.. by one of the people that I loved as well. Everything is going to be crazy, and my heart will break as well but I have to do what's right. Pray for me.
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